Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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