last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
