just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
should my penis look like a turkey
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
