It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
