I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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