Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
