apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
