New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
