He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We had to coat check the pizza.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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