I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Do you remember whose house we're in?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
