We're like a lot better than the average bears
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
