come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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