I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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