I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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