dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize