Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
