This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
