wake up i wanna do it froggy style
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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