I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
