My first STD was from a foam party
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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