too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
