Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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