I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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