On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
