well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
