ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
