sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize