yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
