Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
