the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize