I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
