My pussy is not your playground.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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