Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
