her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
