Moan for me like Helen Keller
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
