He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize