lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Randomize
