sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
