I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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