We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
