Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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