Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize