Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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