Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
