Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
