i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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