he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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