i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
