Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Two words: nipple clamps
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