My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
