this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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