in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
