Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
