Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
