Your face is a jimmy john
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I woke up under a house in Key West
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