her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
