He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize