Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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