just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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