no, he came in my armpit
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize
