I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
