He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
