i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
