Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
