You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
