i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
