just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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