She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
