You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
