I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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