I wish my penis had an off switch
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize