Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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