I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
