My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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