I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
