I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
