see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
