i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
