hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
