why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just gift wrapped bread.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
