This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I could fuck to npr.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
