what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
