dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
