Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
