Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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