That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
