He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
