My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
