I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
