Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
