Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
