let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize