made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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