Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize