Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
