Who did Billy Mays play for?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
