What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Randomize
