I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
