dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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