im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
