I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
