I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
