How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
