I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
