I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
