Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize