we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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