so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
