"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
