she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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