I'm gonna have a badass scar
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
