I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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