maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
