Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
