I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
