First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
