Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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